Friendship

This is not really a cuss but It’s going here. So there.

I just want to say a thing about friendship.

If you’re my friend, then I want you to know how much you mean to me. 

Maybe we haven’t spoken for a while or even years.

Or one of us still hasn’t replied to that message. 

Or we always mean to call but life moves so fast. Or it doesn’t, and we feel like we don’t have anything to say. 

Or maybe we see each other everyday. And sometimes I sound like a broken fucking record. And sometimes you do that thing that really fucking annoys me. 

But we love each other anyway. And when we’re apart, suddenly those things end up being the things we actually miss the most about each other.

If you think I might be talking about you then you’re right. 

I am. 

I trained as an actor and when I’m given a part to play it’s something I’m actually really good at. But in real life, friendship is something I really cannot act or fake. I’m completely incapable of pretending anything different when I care so deeply about someone.

And if you think that I’m obviously talking about someone else right now then you’re wrong. 

I am still talking about you. 

Now I’m saying this because I’ve recently been monumentally let down by a series of people that really mean a lot to me. And it hurts, badly.

And it made me think for a bit, do I care too much? 

Do I fall too deeply for people? 

Should I stop giving over my entire heart to others? 

But I realise that I can’t not do that. I will always do that. 

It’s part of what makes me who I am. And it does mean that, occasionally, I’m gonna have to go through this pain again and then again and it’s never gonna get any easier. 

But no matter how much it hurts I’d rather love someone that deeply and risk feeling this bad when I lose them than to never have known them and cared for them in the first place.

If you’re my friend, then I really really love you. Maybe more than you can possibly imagine. And I’m so grateful to know you because you are amazing. Even when you do that really annoying fucking thing & even if I sound like a broken fucking record.

“I always chose all my friends on whether they were funny. What’s a better way to pass the time than laughing or smiling?”

“I don’t miss doing things with her. I miss doing nothing with her.”

— Ricky Gervais

_{Written August 5th 2024 at 11:09am}