Hello I am an addict.
I am not addicted to drugs or drink, in fact I do neither. I am not addicted sex, although sometimes I wish I was as that is also lacking in my life, but that is another post for another time.
I do have a strange addiction to toothpaste, but that is not what this is about.
No far worse than any of that…
I am addicted to spending.
I used to think I had a problem with shopping. Actually I don’t. I’m very good at it. It’s not about acquiring material goods, fashions or decorating my house. I am happy with what I have. But once pay day comes around I act as if I have an allergy to money and I must get rid of all of it as quickly as possible. It’s like something terrible will happen if those figures sit in my account for longer than a day! Yes maybe that terrible thing is called being responsible?
I’m sure there was a movie about somebody who had to spend a ridiculous amount of money in a certain time so he got a whole load more in inheritance. But I can’t remember what it was called. Anyway I could do that easy! Or supermarket sweep, does that still exist? I could do that too.
I do buy material things, but actually I am quite thoughtful about them. It’s the little invisible things that deplete my cash at an alarming light speed. Like: taxis, eating out, gifts for no reason, arcade machines (believe it or not), travel, movie tickets and rentals; tourist attractions, beauty treatments and therapies, homeless people, Starbucks! Grrrah! All this I could do in one day and be left at the end of it scratching my head thinking where did it all go?
I do try to control myself but something just takes over and like on auto-pilot I can’t stop it. Like an addict, I am powerless.
I’ve tried all kinds of things to control myself. I Tried not going out but the Internet is an evil place where I can empty my bank account even quicker than if I was on foot! So I tried going out to places that are free like the beach the park or the countryside (taking homemade sandwiches of course) but I have a phone! With apps!! Apps for eBay, amazon, iTunes, all my favourite shops, I even have the Ikea app! AND I even spend money buying Apps!!!
All of this is pretty bad and as you can tell I’ve got myself in a right old stress about it, but the worst… The worst spending I’ve ever done happened a few weeks ago.
It was payday and I didn’t go out. I had put my laptop safely hidden in the back of my wardrobe and I left my phone alone for the entire day and night. I pottered about doing household chores and made myself nice things to eat. I had a long shower, read a book and eventually went to bed at a reasonable hour feeling happy and content.
The next morning I awoke feeling fresh and quite chuffed at my achievement. While eating breakfast I allowed myself to use the phone and check my emails. I opened the inbox and actually choked on my Weetabix.
I suddenly felt a cold sweat come over me as I read the words ‘PayPal receipt for your payment‘ followed by another that read ‘Your Amazon order has been shipped‘. What?!
I checked the item and then the time of the mail: 11:43pm. And then to my horror some hazy memory like a dream came back to me.
Yes it’s was real. I hadn’t dreamt it. I purchased T-shirt transfers in my sleep.
I didn’t cry, but I felt like it. If I had they would’ve been tears of pain, anger, grief and hopelessness.
Yes I am an addict.
This is my confession.
And even in slumber I am not safe.
Oh yeah, I remember the film!
Originally Published @ cusscake.blogspot.co.uk
October 6 2011 17:15 Pacific Standard Time
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