Someone somewhere is smoking
and the smell is glorious to me
true comfort
I am reminded of the safety of childhood
a slow summer afternoon
My feelings have changed.
I hate you today.
I want to tell you that, as impossible as it seems right now, there will be a day when you are no longer able to throw away beautiful women like they’re nothing.
This thought makes me feel righteous for a moment and then sad.
A genuine sadness for the future confused and lonely you,
and then for the confused and lonely me now.
And then this trail of thought makes sense.
on these long summer days
hours stretch slowly like the shadows across the lawn
a jug of iced water sits on the table
time for a snack
time for a tea
time for a biscuit
time to play with the cat
and then for the cat to get bored
and then make pictures out of clouds and drink the lemonade
and smell the cigarette smoke
Our time was short and every minute was counted & constantly checked.
We stole minutes
and wasted hours
but never took a second.
“The trouble is, you think you have time,” said a wise man that learned more from this land than us.
the cat stretches out on the hot tarmac of the driveway
in the distance, a neighbour mows their lawn
the geraniums on the window sill release their sweet scent as the late afternoon sun touches their leaves
the cat yawns
birds sing
kettle boils
smoke curls
ice cracks
leaves lift… and fall
an airplane drones overhead
and somewhere there is the faint sound of applause
It won’t happen suddenly.
It will be a gradual realisation you get after ten years of marriage, or something that resembles it.
You’ll search for the minutes you lost & tossed away but they won’t be there. For every reel watched & glance avoided a tear fell somewhere
but you never heard it drop..
or the penny’s..
or pins…
smoke drifts in clouds and I inhale gently while pushing my nail into green juicy stems
I make daisy chains
and the spoon clinks as it’s rested on the saucer
the ice in the jug has melted
“time spent with cats is never wasted”
the air is soft
the jasmine and gardenias begin to wake their scented heads
In our last hour together you took off your watch & left it out of mind.
I briefly held its weight in my hand to consider what it took from me.
crickets signal the sun’s departure
the last rays refract through the water at the bottom of the jug and I see the world upside down
The cat has left for its early evening patrol
and the rustle and smack of the news paper, as it is folded and then thrown to the table, prompt the first thoughts of dinner
I held you but you’d already left.
We were hours apart within the same space.
You moved on while I hung suspended.
Evening
the temperature drops
the table is cleared
the cat is out
the cigarette is extinguished
Drink the water darling, It’s free.
For C. March 14th 2024 (which was a Thursday)
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